


Don't let this be our final song.(we could make the perfect sound)

by skyblue993



Category: The Fosters (TV 2013)
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe - College/University, Clubbing, Dirty Talk, Friends With Benefits, Hoe!Jude, Jonnor - Freeform, M/M, Out of Character, Smut, Virgin!Connor
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-26
Updated: 2017-01-30
Packaged: 2018-08-15 01:20:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 10,477
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8036707
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/skyblue993/pseuds/skyblue993
Summary: Jude and Connor have what is supposed to be just a one night thing but surprisingly Connor can't stop thinking about Jude. Things go downwill from there.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: this contains SMUT.

 

Connor Stevens has always rolled his eyes every fucking time someone has referred to him as 'Puppy Stevens.' Because he's definitely not a freaking labradoodle.

Well yes, he has to admit that he kind of looks like a puppy With those sweet big eyes and golden hair that falls perfectly just above his eyes and that blinding smile that makes all the girls and boys attending UCSD to just fall at his feet, each one of them.. _Except for one._

He's tired of tiredlessly listen to everyone's escapades.. and the stories about how they've lost their V. Cards.

He's eighteen for God Sake, he's in a post teenage-pre adult hormonal phase and he wishes- needs- to experience the D. at least before college's over.

His hand, yeah, definitely a useful tool but he wants to experience that sensation that's make love to someone, He desperately needs to and if there's someone he wants that moment to happen with is _him_.

 "Come on, Stevens!" 

Valerie a girl from his history class shouts all the way from the dancefloor when she's slaying with her well practised dance moves.

"Move your butt and come dance with me!"

Connor gives a weary sigh as he gets up from the stool. He approaches Valerie and her friends who are dancing in a circle just few feets away from the boy that causes Connor to speed up on his track.

He gives a sigh of relief as he blends with his friends, cursing at the same time his damn shyness that's pretty much the reason why he's still a virgin.

He attempts some truly pathetic dance moves like swaying his hips and lift up his hands in the air that, like his friends say, he seem like a character right out of The sims. 

Connor's fucking embarrassed.

He needs to get away from this dance floor and he needs to do it in this very moment before something even worse causes his reputation to crumble.

He turns around and he stumbles backwards when he's met by someone's very hard and very naked chest.

"Oh!" The boy across from him gives an amused laugh as he scratched the back of his neck. "I'm so so sorry man."

Connor tries to keep his breath labored as he mumbles a very weak, "That's okay." Before walking –very fastly--past him.

He has no reason to hope in a sign But then something happens that makes him restore his faith in the universe.

"Wait." 

It's incredible how Fast Connor turns around, not even considering to play cool and hard to get.. This is a sign and he has to take it.

"Yes?"

_"Dance with me?"_

Connor smiles and despite the awareness playing into his mind like a warning bell, that the boy he's been crushing on for a very long time will probably run for the hills as soon as he sees him attempting to dance, he's hopeful So he gathers all the courage he needs and he approaches the smiling boy who's swaying his lips in that deliriously slow motion that makes Connor want, as he gets closer, to grind his hips against his. He wets his lips, suddenly gone dry at the sight before him.

"Come on, don't be so shy. I won't bite."

"I wouldn't mind."

Connor's face turns completely red as the words fly out of his mouth. He's such a moron.. Oh my God, now it's 100% sure that the boy will run away. It's settled, Connor thinks, I'm gonna die virgin.

He realizes he has lowered down his gaze when he feels a hand lifts up his chin and then his eyes meet..

"I'm Jude."

_Jude's_

His name is Jude. What a beautiful name.

"My name is Connor."

"Well Connor." Jude says as he leans in and Connor can't help but shiver at the way his lips gently brush against his lobe when he whispers in his ear, so softly and sexy. "Just tell me when and where and we can arrange something."

Oh.. Wow. That was..

"Was it too much?" Jude asks him with a hint of amusement in his voice and Connor doesn't know what to say.. He's..

"It's too hot in here."

"Yeah?" Jude breathes against his neck. Connor's too fucked up in that moment to register Jude's hands slowy lacing at the base of his neck, holding on tight.

"We can't make things even hotter if you like..."

Connor feels Jude's tongue dart out to lick at the skin there and can't hold back the breathless moan he lets out as he tilts his head to the side.

Oh Jesus...

Connor might have literally said it out loud.

"Fuck." Jude moans as he laps at the tender skin of Connor's neck, his teeth gently biting on his way up to his mouth.

He stops just as he reaches the corner of Connor's mouth, who's parted in delight, letting out the hottest moans.

"Jude.."

"Does this turn you on?" Jude whispers as he trails his lips across his cheek only to rest against his ear for a second.

He hears Jude's soft pants echoing into his ear. Jude bits at his lobe before dragging it between his teeth. 

"Yes."

"Do you want to go somewhere quieter?"

Connor doesn't give a fuck about being a shameful slut right now. He can't possibly say no to that question. He's impossibly turned on so he lets Jude lead the way through a short hallway and towards the back of the club.

Connor knows this is a storage but what he wants to know is how Jude got the keys belonging to that room.

"How--"

"Do you seriously want to waste time in talking..." Jude laughs as he pushes him towards that desk that has probably seen better days.

"When we could do more entertaining stuff instead?"

"N-No..." Connor gulps down some saliva as soon as his ass makes contact with the cold surface. 

"Good." Jude makes him sit down and settles himself between his parted legs. 

Connor doesn't know what to do, how and where to move his hands..

Would be okay to just rest them on Jude's chest? or yeah.. Maybe on his hips it's a better idea.. he thinks.

Jude smiles softly, clearly amused by Connor's struggle, and decides to help him out so he grabs his hands and leads them to rest on his ass.

Jude's hand trails softly from his neck to his face, he threads his fingers through the soft strands of Connor's hair and for the first time since the moment they met, His confident attitude seems to crack a bit when he asks Connor.

"Can I kiss you?" and then, just because Jude has to be Jude he says,

"I know it's a stupid question because our dicks have basically made acquaintances on the dance floor but--"

His rambling gets cut off by Connor's lips desperately falling on his own.

Jude closes his eyes as he leans in, moaning into Connor's mouth when he darts out his tongue, licking at his bottom lip before sucking gently at it. Jude lets out a moaning breath against his lips before threading his fingers through Connor's hair, pulling him close by the back of his neck. After what feels like forever-- according to Connor's clouded mind-- Jude finally opens up his mouth letting Connor's tongue to slide in.

The heated kiss gets even more filled with hunger as they moan into each other's mouth and their hands roam over each other's body.

"Can I suck your dick?"

Jude asks, no, pants really, against his mouth, Connor doesn't really have the strenght to talk so he just nods his head.

I mean, the boy of his fantasies wants to suck him off, is he supposed to say no to that? Absolutely not.

He says yes and he can't wait for it, infact the way Jude's fumbling with his belt and zips down his pants, pulling it down his ankles.. It's incredibly slow.

"God."

Jude smirks because _he knows_. "What?" But he asshole pretends like he doesn't.

"I'm just--"

"You want it so badly that you can't wait a second more?"

_Yes._

"Nah man." 

What the fuck are you doing? His brains yells at him.

"Take your time."

"You sure?" Jude asks with that freaking mischievous edge in his voice that manages to equally irritate him and turn him on beyond belief.

Jude does what he's been told. He curls his fingers into the waistband of Connor's underwear and infact He takes his time in pulling it down. He soothes the itching desire by leaving some light feather kisses over his hipbone.

"Fuck." 

Jude ignores Connor's soft moans and goes on his sweet torture.

He lays one kiss For every inch of Connor's skin he slowly discoveres along the route. Connor looks like on the verge of a stroke as he sits butt naked on that desk.

"Suck me, please Jude."

"Oh now you want me to rush.."

Jude retorts as he drops on his knees, he lifts his hand and begins to stroke Connor's leaking cock.

Connor has always imagined what it would feel like to experience Jude's touch on his body or his mouth on his own and now.. Now that he's finally got a taste, he craves for more.

"You like that?"

Connor looks down at the kneeling boy and his breath catches in his throat when he watches Jude's lips finally wrapping around his cock head.

"Holy shit, Jude.. Oh fuck, yes, baby."

Jude's an expert, apparently. He's doing an amazing job at getting Connor off, infact in a matter of two minutes Connor's screaming Jude's name as he spurts his seed down Jude's throat, who keeps sucking his oversensitive erection.

"Fuck, fuck stop."

Jude smirks as he stands up, his hands cupping Connor's sweaty face before roughtly connecting their lips. 

"Mmh can you feel your come on my tongue?"

Connor moans breathlessly as he gives a weak nod of his head. 

Tasting himself on Jude's tongue is so hot that he has to reach for his crotch, cupping him through the fabric of Jude's jeans.

"Fuck." Jude hisses as he closes his eyes. He rocks his hips against Connor's hands.

Connor watches him as he wets his lips, his eyes are still closed when he asks him.

"Do you want this inside of you?"

Jude notices that Connor's has gone unresponsive, all he can manage to do is breathe, to be fair he's not doing a good job at that either since His chest feels constricted for the lack of air in his lungs so every breath he exhales makes him feel like he's gonna die.

“ _Say it, Connor.”_  
And then there's Jude that doesn't seem intentioned in cutting Connor some slack from this domination, not that Connor's complaining obviously but Connor really needs to breathe right now.

“Hey..” Jude's eyes soften a bit as he gently rests a hand on Connor's cheek. “Everything okay down there?”  
Why everything needs to be sexual, Connor wonders.

“Yeah.. I..” He gives a low chuckle as he closes his eyes, leaning into Jude's soft touch of his hand. “I just need to breathe.”

“W-We don't have to.. you know.”  
Connor's eyes snap open at Jude's words and he looks at him like he'd just committed a misdeed or worse, just like he'd revelead him that he's straight.

“Or we can totally do that, you know what? We have to do that.” Jude fills in with a soft laugh as soon as he registers Connor's deadful glare, he pulls away and he quickly gets rid of his clothes, Connor watches him in awe as Jude takes his pant off since he hasn't bothered to wear a shirt tonight, apparently.

Suddenly the thought of it makes Connor's stomach twist with the realization that It's nothing special, this moment isn't special, because everyone has already seen Jude's naked chest so..

 _So.._  he quickly changes his mind as soon as Jude slides down his pants and underwear and that honestly the thought of seeing _this part of Jude_ , incredibly hard and leaking from the tip.. _well_ _that ,_ makes him feel kind of special because, at least for tonight – he hopes-- it's  _his_.

“Never seen a cock?”  
Jude teases him with an amused smirk on his lips that quickly fades away when Connor lowers down his eyes and his face heats up for embarrassment.

“Beside my own?”  
He doesn't expect the wave of giggles escaping Jude's lips. He's even more abashed than before.

“Are you for real man?”  
Connor looks up and he's tempted to get his ass up this desk and stride away from this place.

“Hey.. hey no.”  
He hasn't even realized that he's moved from that spot.

Jude takes his pants off his hands and he discharges it once again on the floor before cupping Connor's flushing cheeks.

“I didn't mean to sound like an asshole, I'm sorry.. I'm just confused.”

  
“Why would you be confused?”

  
Jude's eyes grow with incredulity as he replies. “Man.. you don't have mirrors at your place, don't you?”

Connor's genuinely confused, his eyebrows furrow in a quizzical way as he watches Jude in the eyes waiting for him to elaborate.

“Man.. you're one of the hottest boy I've ever seen on campus, how on Earth are you still a virgin?”

That question doesn't help his case. Connor's completely gone. He tries to explain but what come out are just pauses and half words.

"I-I want m-my first timewithsomeoneilikeand--- sorry. I-- Sh-- I'll go."

"Dude." Jude laughs slightly. Luckily he seems amused by all of this, Connor realizes.

" What the hell did you just say?"

Jude watches him as he inhales a deep breath. He looks at him in the eyes before confessing. "I want my first time to happen with someone I like and I'm sorry if I haven't told you sooner. I'll just go."

Jude glances down and when he looks into Connor's eyes there's a mischievous smile on his lips. He watches him coming forward and Connor lets out a short intake of breath when he feels Jude's finger drawing circles on his shirt.

"Okay." His fake innocent voice catches Connor's attention, his eyes are drawn to Jude's lips as he says. "I guess I can't force you to stay here and--" he trails off to lean in to whisper seductively into Connor's ear. _"Play with me."_

His finger keeps running over his chest and around his nipple..

"Jude.."

Connor's voice is filled with pathetic desperation. He closes his eyes as he hears Jude ask.

" _Will you play with me, Connor?"_

Connor doesn't need to be told twice, he just kisses him in response.

Jude lifts up his shirt and gasps as soon as he's met with Connor's naked chest.

"Jesus..."

He moans as he sucks love bites on his neck, eliciting the softest moans out of the blond boy.

"Lay down."

Jude instructs him gesturing with his hand at the desk. Connor obediently complies . He sits down and he waits for Jude to come back.

He watches him as he pulls out of his jeans condoms and a small bottle that Connor recognizes as lube.

_He's watched enough porn to know._

He tries to stay still and relax, just like Jude tells him to do.

"Good boy." Jude tells him as he moves his fingers inside. Connor lets out a soft laugh at the way Jude's carressing his hair with his free hand.

It hurts at first but Connor knew it would, again porn are very useful in a hormonal boy's virgin life. He tries to stay quiet but soon he starts begging Jude to get over with it.

He needs him inside.

"Jude. Jude fuck me."

He truly sounds like a slut right now, not that he cares.. Well, truthfully yes, he cares but he's doing this with the boy he's a crush on and he's probably gonna bug Jude to go on a date with him afterwards. _He has a plan._

His chain of thoughts are interrupted when the tip of Jude's cock starts to slide inside and it burns, oh hell it hurts.

"It's gonna be okay." Jude says. "It'll pass soon baby."

Connor trusts him on this, more than porn, because he's clearly experienced infact he moves very smoothly inside of him, Connor barely feels the pain by now..

"Jesus Christ that hurts." or maybe _he does_ but like Jude has promised, it actually does get better.

"Oh.. My God."

Jude slows down on his thrusts to ask him.

"Still hurts?"

Connor shakes his head and Jude hums contently against his neck where his face is buried, kissing the soft skin there and making him moan when he hits something inside of him.

Jude hits repeatedly that spot because he's more experienced and he knows better than stop, right now.

"Yes.. Jude, there."

"I know baby, I know."

Jude keeps picking up the pace, close to release so he reaches for Connor's erection and he wraps his hand around it, stroking in time with his thrusts.

Connor moans louder, his hips arching off the desk as he swells into Jude's grip. The hot moans he hears from Jude, his furious thrusts in addiction to his hand stroking his cock makes him desperate to come so when he does reach the orgasm it feels like his soul has left his body to step into the light.

"Jude, Jude. Oh fuck."

He feels then Jude's body crashing on his and despite wearing the condom and being a panting mess he still manages to feel that moment when Jude comes into his ass through the latex of the condom.

"Oh Jesus."

"I know." 

Jude breathes into his sweaty neck and that's all he has to say.

####

"So.." Connor says as they step outside of the almost empty club. How long have they been in there? Must be a while..

"See you around campus, I guess."

Jude smiles warmly.

"I'd be honoured to see you around or walk with you around campus. It doesn't have to be campus, you know.. We could just walk around some other confined space or something.."

Connor's heart glows with happiness at Jude's dorky invitation.

"I'd like that."

Jude smiles again and Connor's attracted to that delicious blush creeping on his cheeks.

"So my place is just over there."

"I'll just take a cab."

"You staying at the dorms?"

"Yeah.."

Jude nods his head and despite he likes Jude's companion and he's happy that he's not showing any indication to go home Connor can't help but ask.

"Aren't you going home?"

"I'm just gonna wait with you until your cab comes to get you and then I'll go."

Connor bits his lips as he mumbles a soft thanks.

Sadly the cab arrives two minutes later and He has to say goodbye--for the night-- because Connor is more than intentioned to keep seeing Jude.

"Goodnight."

Jude smiles warmly as he opens the door of the cab for him.

Connor hesitates before going in, he wants to kiss him but he doesn't know what they are to each other.. 

There's only one way to find out.

Jude gasps in surprise at first when Connor kisses him but then it turns into a soft whimper when Connor pulls away from him.

He opens his eyes and he finds the most gorgeous smile on the planet just there for him.

"Goodnight Jude."

 

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

Connor can't sleep and for the first time in years he knows who blame it for it, not that he's complaining... absolutely not. If this insomnia allows him to feel Jude's hands on his hips, nails digging into skin as to mark his property and groaning manly and virile as he thrusted into Connor's tight body, or the wetness that his mouth left, as he came into Connor's ass, muffling the sounds he made by latching onto his skin... well, he'd learn to live with insomnia for the rest of his life.

"Mom!"

  
"Hey sweetheart." Her wide smile, even if just behind a screen, makes Connor squirm on his chair.. "You okay, honey? _You look happy._ "

  
"I am." He nods as he bits his lips, unable to keep at bay that genuine smile that for the first time appears on his lips as he thinks _of a boy._

_Connor's been pretty doomed in love's departement before._

Rosie's smile gets even bigger. " Tell me _everything_."

Connor loves his mother, as lame as it might sound she's his best friend, for life. Connor's always seen their relationship grow stronger in a similary way to Rory and Lorelai's. Well, he knows that _Gilmore girls_ it's just a tv show but he'd grew attached to it since he was just a little boy and he's always seen himself pretty much in Rory's character... well behaved, nerd, doomed in love, with great ambitions in life and well, of course her relationship with her mother has few resemblances with his own.

Rosie's been the first person Connor has told about his sexuality.

He was just thirteen year old but he knew, from the moment he'd started seeing boys in the way he was supposed to see girls, that _bosoms_ were just not his thing. He'd been nervous, so nervous, for about a week.. well nine days actually, because Thanksgiving was just around the corner and at the time he thought that breaking the news with friends and family while eating turkey was probably not the most appropriate thing to do . So one day, Connor had just came back from school and he was eating supper as his mom was doing crosswords sitting just across from him.  
Connor was sweating so much that he couldn't discern either it if was sweat or tears slowly running down his cheeks.

"Connor?" There were tears.  
He looked up and met Rosie's blown wide eyes, her hand freezed midair as she still held her pen.

"What's wrong, love?"

  
Connor took a deep breath, reaching for his mother's hand, because she'd always been his rock and he needed her strenght to hold on to in that moment. "I'm gay.”

Rosie smiled, letting out a soft sigh of relief before rushing to his side, pulling her silly son into a bones-crushing hug.  
"This is what is all about? You were afraid to tell me?"

Connor nodded against her stomach, his arms lacing around her waist as her fingers gently threaded through his hair.

"Melanie's father flipped out when she told him she's a lesbian!" Rosie chuckled as she bent down to lay a soft kiss into his hair.

  
"We're not in a tv show, Connor. This is real life and I love you. You're the best son I could have wished for and I'm so proud of you."

Connor probably wouldn't remember as Rosie told him that afternoon he was probably too little to remember this but she'd always had that feeling...

  
"Of course It's just a mother feeling, you know?" Connor nodded. Yeah. He totally understand that. "When you were just a nutshell, I'd read you so many stories before going to bed..."

"Y-yeah.. I remember."  
Rosie chuckled slightly as she told him.

"You probably won't remember that you've always been more interested in the prince than the princess. You always were so eager to know when the prince would make an appearance, and then, when he finally showed up.. _your eyes_ , oh Connor, your eyes filled up with the brightest light..." Rosie trailed off with a nostalgic sigh, a small smile spread on her lips as probably something funny crossed her mind. "So Since then I changed the stories a little bit.."

"How so?"

"Well, For example princess Jasmine became Prince Jazz."

Connor's eyes grew huge as he threw his head backwards, bursting out in laughter.  
"No way! I don't remember that!"

Rosie's smile widened because seeing her son so happy was all she ever asked for in life.  
"Yes! I think the story you looked forward the most for me to tell was “the sleeping beauty." Her eyes started to glisten as she added. "You begged me to skip the whole story and get to the kissing part!"

Connor shrugged like it was not a big deal. " You know I'm romantic at heart!"

"I know you are, sweetheart.. just like your father.."

Connor's smile faded a bit as he gave a brief look up to the sky through the window glass.  His father was a military and he'd died on war two days before he was supposed to come home... a fucking granade took away his life, took him away from his son and wife.

"I hope I'll find someone who makes me happy just as father did."

Rosie kissed him on the forehead. "I'm sure you will, honey."

 

  
"So I know what you're about to say about parties and going clubbing..." he sees her open her mouth, ready to counter that assertion but Connor lifts his index up, not letting her start on her pamphlet about the dirt and filth of those places.

"But, I think I found him."

"Who?"

_"T-the one."_

Rosie's always been cool about everything, more than cool, about drinking beers at parties as long as in the minimum quantity and with a designed driver to drive him home and Connor's endless list of crushes that sadly never reciprocated, but that doesn't mean _she's not a mother._..  
"Connor.."

"Mom, I know what you're about to say, okay? I'm young, I just met him yesterday, In a club that yeah, it's basically a whore's bat cave.. and you're right, I know you're right, but mom, I've been crushing on this guy since the beginning of my freshman year! And he finally noticed me!"

"T-that's great honey. I'm glad to see you're so enthusiastic about this and I don't want to be a spoil sport... But you're sure it's not just a fling?"

"Fling?" 

Rosie rolls her eyes, she's more of a teenager than her son sometimes.

"A one night thing, Connor."

"N-no!"

Rosie nods as she bits her lips, before throwing him a concerned look through the screen. "You sure? Have you guys talked about this after--"

"Mom."

"Connor. Have you?"  
"Mom!"  
"Connor. I caught you jerking off... multiple times actually, it's not like that big of a deal."

Connor's mouth falls open in embarrassment, his face flashing red and hot as he groans. "I'm not gonna discuss my sex life with you, mom.."

"You've always told me I _'m your best friend_! Don't tell me you don't talk with your friends about holes and vag--"

"Nope. Okay Bye, mom! It's been nice to talk to you."

"You're no fun." She pouts, refraining a laugh.

"I think we're crossing some boundaries, here."

"Honey we crossed some boundaries when you told me about your first erection."

Connor wants to die, or being kidnapp by aliens, or being hit by a stroke.. anything to save him from this.. "Mom, please... d-don't."

 

 _"Momma, momma?"_ She's always been amazing at doing Connor's impression. Connor's high school's friends know that, she's been nominated Coolest mom of Anchor Beach High for a reason, after all..

"Mom.. no... oh my God! No! Stop! Jesus! "  
  
_"II think there's something wrong with my penis! I've been staring at Frank's eyes “ Rosie trails off with a roll of her eyes saying. “_ which by the way has always sounded like a filthy lie to me.” Before going on with Connor's well nailed impression. _“ and my penis_ _moved_ _inside of my pants!”_

"I was twelve, for God's sake!"

The door of his room bursts open and Connor's praying all the Gods up there for his mom to take things down to a notch because Oliver's just.. snobby and too virginal for these kind of conversations. 

_Former Virgin Connor rommate of Virgin Oliver.._

What his mother called it? Two Birds with one stone? No actually she came up with a more original name but he's not gonna embarrass himself even further, right now..

“Hey, Oliver!” 

Oliver smiles as waves through the camera.

“Hello Mrs Stevens!”

“You should stick around! I was just telling Connor about that time he--”  
  
“Fell asleep as she Read me fairytales as a kid! ” Connor cuts her off with a loud-- very fake-- laugh. Oliver frowns, doubting for a moment Connor's mental well-being since he's the only one laughing right now Eye blown wide and sweat running down his forehead, sort of looking like a creep.

“Okay, Mom... I have to go now, you know I have to study! We'll catch up another time, Bye! Love you! ”

“Okay Sweetie, bye! Have fun!” and then she fucking winks, adding with a low, allusive tone..

“But not too much!”

“Bye.” Connor smiles nervously as he closes his laptop, ignoring Oliver's questioning look all over him. “Don't.” Connor warn him with stern voice. “Don't ask, please.”

Oliver laughs as he gives a little shrug of his shoulders, a smirk spreading across his face .

“I wasn't going to.”

 

_Turns out, Connor's mom was right._

 

Despite what Connor's been telling himself, that Jude is a gift from the heaven as reward for being so good and patient since the beginning of freshman year. Anyway, after two weeks of being completely _\--shamelessly--_ ignored in the school's hallway and _– dear Lord-- Co_ nnor has spent six hours searching for Jude's profile on Facebook, one night, and he hasn't even given him the mercy to accept his friendship request!

Such a _rude-little-awesome fucker-shitty jerk._

 

Connor has come to conclusion that Jude's an asshole and that all he was interested in was to soil his purity. All he wanted to do was to stick his dick in his _(Barely.)_ Untouched hole. Connor has given the exclusivity. Connor has chosen him to unwrap him like a fucking christmas present.

 It was his first time and Jude Has known it all along! He'd waited like sleeping beauty for his prince to rescue him and wake him up with the power of his kiss! Well.. if Connor has to reeneact his favourite part of the fairytale in what happened with Jude, the most accurate way to describe it would be..

“He'd waited like sleeping beauty for his prince to _come_ and save him with the power of his _dick._ ”

 

Connor shakes his head clearing it from that thought. He's pathetic. And he's also drunk. The combination of the two is dangerous for him and who's surrounding him at this pathetic party.. but wait... isn't that...

“Fucking awesome.”

Connor groans, to no one in particular because There's Oliver sitting on the couch few feets away from where's standing glaring at the door, tightening his grip on the empty bottle of beer he's still holding.

 Oliver sends a worried look to Taylor, sitting across from him on the loveseat, while nodding with his head in Connor's direction.

 “Is he ranting again?” Taylor mouths so that Connor can't hear, Oliver nods as he shakes his head.

  
“It's gonna be a long night for me..”

  
Taylor smiles as he throws a quick look at the boy from over her shoulders, then she looks back at Oliver.

“ _Good luck with that.”_

 

Jude definitely spots him. Connor swears he sees his brown eyes get slighty bigger before pretending – because Jude's fucking fake-- to look at some group of people, sipping their beers.

“Connor..”

  
Connor jolts as Taylor's hand suddenly comes to rest on his shoulder.

“Fucking Christ Taylor, you scared the hell out of me.”

“Let it go, Con.”  
  
Connor decides to play cool. “Let _what_ go?” but the look Taylor gives him basically allows no bullshit.

“He doesn't even remember you.”

“He does! He looked at me!” The symphatetic look Taylor gives him sends him into a rage. “Okay-- briefly-- but he did!”

“He hasn't accepted your friendship request on facebook, Con. He's not worthy.” 

Connor rolls his eyes. “He's probably just busy.”

“Connor... my sweet, naive friend. You're in deep shit of denial.”

 

“I'm not in denial. _He's the one._ I've waited for him. I---” Connor sucks a deep breath, biting his lips – hard-- before he does something even more pathetic like bursting out in tears in the middle of a party, when everyone can watch him, when Jude can watch him on his self destruction.

“I.. I need a beer.”

Before Taylor has the opportunity to chase after him or console him, Connor's already strided out of the room. 

“Jesus fucking Christ.” he murmurs under his breath as he opens the fridge. “Is it too much to ask to be left alone in my own misery? All these 'I know it all' lecturing me over my crush, that by the way, isn't there! I-It what it was, a meaningless fuck. No strings attached, like two bros – barely knowing each other-- helping with each other's orgasms. It's.. It's what it was.”

 

Connor's aware he's talking to the fridge in this moment and despite everything he's been told lately, he's probably the one that's listening the most so far, because Connor's over it and he can't wrap his head around the fact that everyone, Oliver, Taylor, his mother, insisted that he deserves better. Connor agrees. He does deserve someone's better than Jude.

 

“ I don't even know why I'm still fucking pining over him. ” Connor rolls his eyes at himself as he closes the door of the fridge.

 

“It's been good sex, nothing spectacular, after all.. ” Connor knows it's fucking bullshit, not that he has a term of comparison, but he can't imagine having hotter sex than that.

 

“ _You couldn't imagine having sex at all, until that night.”_ He makes a mental note to drink more beers to drawn his brain's wise voice. He turns around and Connor freezes at what he sees, or in better terms at _who_ he sees standing across from him, two beers in his hands and pissed off frown flashing across his features.

  
“H-Hey.”  
  
Yup. That's Jude and if anyone is asking how long he's been standing over there...

 

“You know, If you had something to complain about the way I've fucked you, You could have just told me.” 

A shiver crawls up Connor's spine at Jude's sharp tone. Jesus. He mentally kicks himself in the ass for the way his dick is twitching with interest at the the corner of Jude's lip tug up in a dark smirk.

He watches him as he puts those beers on the counter and takes two small steps towards Connor, backing him up against the fridge.

 

“Um.. I.. I thought no one was listening... I-I thought I was alone.”

 

Jude's mouth fall open in a O as he brackets his hands at the sides of Connor's head. Their chest slightly touching makes Connor gasp in surprise and arousal.

 

“And that gives you the right to rant about my ways of fucking your ass?”

 

Jude's smiling despite how dark and mischievous his voice sounds. It makes Connor's dick swell inside the tight, constricting pattern of his pants. He closes his eyes just slightly as he feels one drop of pre-come wetting his briefs.

 

“Jude...” Connor's eyes flick to Jude's mouth, still tugged up in a smirk and that's so hot, Jesus. Connor wants to taste his mouth once again, he wants a lot more than that actually...

 

“Show me.”

Connor looks at him with half lidded eyes, clouded by lust at Jude's damn voice capable of making him want to do the filthiest thing to that mouth.

 

“W-what?”

Jude's hips starts moving against his own and memories of that night flood into Connor's mind, reminding him of how good it felt when those hips were rutting desperately against his own..

  
“N-No, Jude.”

Connor knows how pathetic he sounds right now, but Jude... Jude's a teasing little shit that has almost made him come right there, against someone's fridge and now he's walking backwards.. away from him, with that fucking smile on his lips, amused by the desperation filling his voice.

“F-Fuck you!”

“That's funny because That's exactly what I want you to do.”

“W-what the fuck are you saying?!”  
  
Connor's eyes follow the trail of Jude's hand, carressing his own arm before dropping downwards..  
  
“Holy f-”

Jude unzips his pants and Connor's too fucking gone to notice at first the wet spot on his white briefs, but then.. fuck does he notice.

“Show me how much better you are, Connor Stevens.”

Connor knows perfectly what Jude means by that, but he still wants to hear it dripping off his nasty lips.

“A-Are you saying what I think you're saying?”

Jude laughs, never breaking eye contact with Connor's obscene bulge in his pants.

“I want you to fuck me, Connor. Are you up for the challenge?”

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sexual content ahead

Jude's waiting for him to make a move, or breathe even. Yeah, Connor should seriously do that since he's gaping like the air has completely left his lungs. He clears his throat before asking, because he must have misunderstood. Jude doesn’t actually want him to fuck his brain out.

“Excuse me? C-could you please—“

Jude grins as he licks his lips. Connor’s eyes lewdly follow the motion of his tongue, slowly darting out of his pink soft lips before sweeping over his upper lip. His mind flashes back to how good they felt wrapped around his dick and sending waves to arousal straight to his erection.  
Jude has no shame left as he says like it’s the easiest thing in the world (it is.) “I want you to grab my ass and fuck me until my brain’s completely blacked out.”

“Fuck.”

Jude’s grin widens. “Exactly. Then what are you waiting for?”

  
Jude’s dragging him by his very sweaty hand upstairs, towards one of the rooms where he knows no one would bother them, when Connor asks him, shy and awkward. “So umm.. are we just gonna do this? Like.. hello Jude’s ass this is Connor’s dick?”

Connor’s a total dork and he's prepared for Jude to run away as fast as possible after this awful pickup line. It probably doesn't even deserve to be called 'pickup line' it was just a line, a line he wishes he'd erase from Jude's memory, to be honest.

Jude luckily doesn't even seem aware of Connor's talking.  
He abruptly stops in his track before a wooden closed door and Connor consequently bumps against Jude's broad back.

"Um. Okay.. so.. this is gonna be our play game, I guess."

He doesn’t even give Connor the necessary amount of time to process everything happening in this moment because he grabs him by the back of his neck, pushing him pretty harshly against the closed door.

Connor hisses at the unexpected rendezvous of his back with the door.  
“Dude. What the fuck, have some mercy—“

Jude’s kiss cuts him off from whatever rambling he has in mind and all it takes is Jude's tongue licking into his mouth to make him forget his own name. Whatever Jude's intentions are, Connor's so on board.

He moans loudly against his mouth moving ----with no shame left in his body—his hips against Jude.

“You were so pretty..” Jude pants against his mouth before trailing his lips over the long, prominent collarbone. “Taking my cock just as it belonged to you.”

“Fuck.” Connor’s eyes flutter close as he tilts his head to the side, the soft trail of Jude’s kisses along his collarbone makes him feverish, flabby like fresh clay being worked blissfully by Jude’s skilled hands.

“You tight, starved ass always asking for more.”

“You fucked me so good.” Connor’s brain cells short circuit when Jude’s hand slip under his shirt, twirled a lock of his pubic hair around his finger, tracing the outline of his cock and taking pleasure from the sight of Connor’s absolute ecstasy on his face for a moment before running it over his nipple, eliciting the sexiest moans out of the poor Connor, mercilessly tortured and growing wet in his pants.

“Jesus. Jude.”

“I remember you being sensitive over here,” Jude smirks against his neck, his cock pushing against Connor’s bulge like he just can’t help it.

“Fucker.”

“Exactly.” Jude agrees, sucking a harsh bite into Connor’s blemished skin. It hurts and It’s probably gonna bruise tomorrow, but Connor doesn’t give a fuck, he can't hold back the loud moans escaping his lips as he grinds back against the friction. This is too good, God. Jude’s hand and mouth are a gift from Heaven, literally. Whenever Jude moves his mouth over his neck, sucking bites or leaving wet, open mouthed kisses, it feels like he kills him and brings him back alive at the same time. Jesus. Connor has to fuck him. That’s the plan, but his dick apparently says otherwise.

“Jude.” His eyes snap open as he breathes sharply through his nose, a look of panic flashing across his face. Jude suddenly pulls away from him, takes a step backward with innocence flashing across his not so subtle eyes.

“Something wrong?”

Connor rolls his eyes. Jude’s a fucker. He truly is.

“I was about to come,” Connor replies snarkily. His eyes narrowing with irritation as Jude gives a low chuckle, glowing eyes looking down and assessing the damages.

“Oh yeah. I didn’t notice.”

Connor’s about to slam him against this door and fuck the shit out of him. Jesus. This dude’s gonna be the death of him. He's just about to but then  
Jude walks back to him, his hands coming to rest on his hips as he breathes softly into his ear. “We should do something to fix that concern.”

  
Get rid of their clothes is incredibly easy. Jude laughs when Connor, unable to keep up with Jude's annoying tantrums, rips his shirt off.

“That was my favorite!” Jude tries to sound pissed but his smile gives it all away.

“Get on the bed.”

“Bossy.”

Connor rolls his eyes because Jude probably doesn't know what it feels like to be this close to being hit by balls-explosion.

“I'm the one in charge, am I? ” Connor counters as he strips off of his shirt, the mischievous smirk never leaves Jude's face as Connor tells him.

“So just shut up.”

Jude looks at him with the eyebrow raised and for a long moment, Connor panics because this is totally out of his character and Jude’s looking at him completely agape... his mouth open and eyes darkened with lust.

“God...” Jude finally says, after the longest minute of his life. “I thought that You, Connor virgin Mary, was a turn on... but this..”

“What.” Connor urges him to speak, swallowing thickly when Jude walks to him and pulls him into a kiss that's 90% made of tongues and 10% by teeth.

“Fuck me. Connor.. please.”

It’s Connor’s turn to smirk, pride swelling in his chest at the realization that Jude’s in a puddle of lust.. because of him.

“Get on the bed,” Connor repeats with, what he hopes sounds as a firm edge in his voice. He watches Jude’s eyelashes fluttering in a demure kind of way. Fake innocence flashing across his eyes as Connor repeats himself, hopefully for the last time before he explodes.  
“On your hands and knees.”

He watches Jude adjusting himself on the bed just as Connor has instructed him to. He lets Jude think he’s waiting for him to be ready but in real life, Connor’s freaking out, totally and utterly freaking out because He’s never had a single sexual experience in his life, let alone being the one to initiate it, before Jude. He’s told Jude to get on his hands and knees because.. Jude’s ass, okay? It’s like a treasure needs to be kept safe from all the threats of the world.  
It’s just perky and so round, inviting and looks so ravishing. Connor desperately wants a taste of it and he has like zero experience in Rimming someone, let alone make that person feel good at the same time, but that doesn't discourage him since He’s always being up to challenges.

“Connor.” Jude’s displeased whines snap him back into reality. And he sounds impatient too! “Are you gonna eat my ass or not?”

Connor winces as he finally decides to finally get the object of his darkest desires. “Have you always been so direct?”

He hears Jude’s laugh. “What? My dirty talk turns you on, babe?”

“You have no idea,” Connor replies as he settles himself on his knees behind Jude and the sight of Jude’s ass on display just there, one inch away from his nose. Jesus. He has to get a grip on his dick. He won’t be the first one to come first. Fun’s just begun, after all.  
His hand comes to rest on Jude’s ass cheek and he wonders if he’s done anything wrong when he feels Jude’s body shudder.

“God.. yeah.”

“You like that?” Connor asks breathlessly, realizing the moment right after that he has done nothing. His hand’s roaming over the expanse of his cheek, that's all so the softest praise dripping off Jude's lips makes him feel like he's doing the right thing. That he's not that hopeless like he used to think about himself before Jude.

“I like your hands.” He can hear the smile filling Jude’s voice. “They’re so soft and big.. God.. I imagined you what those long fingers would feel like in my ass.”,

"Jude, you have no idea what that mouth does to me. Jesus."

"I know." Jude's probably still smirking as he says. "It's a turn on for a lot of people."

Connor's grip tightens on his cheek. A rush of possessiveness suddenly traveling through his whole body.

"Rim me. Connor, please. Put that pretty mouth on me."

Jude really sounds desperate right now and who's Connor to deny such a request?

He rims him for the first time and almost passes out with his tongue in Jude's ass.

Goals.

"Oh.. Baby, you're doing so good." Jude pants breathlessly, his fingers threading through Connor's hair, pulling him back against his ass whenever the poor, unprepared Connor pulls away to catch his breath.

"Jesus.. look at you. Your mouth is so hungry for my ass."

Jude truly does have a mouth. Jesus. It turns Connor on beyond belief.  
Connor's come dripping on the sheets is visual proof of how turned on he is. He can't be blamed, okay? Because according to Connor, Jude's ass is incredible and He clenches around Connor's mouth like it's fucking made for it.

He closes his eyes,sucking a deep intake of breath before going at it again while Jude's desperate moans fill the air.

"I'm ready. Connor. You can Fuck me before I pass out."

Connor snorts against Jude's hole before pulling away. He hears Jude let out a distressed cry of desperation. "I feel so empty." He explains through a shaky breath.

Connor looks down at his dick, dripping with pre-come. Jesus. He needs to get inside. He reaches for his wallet and finds Jude's knowing smirk, eyeing at the condom. "What? I came prepared."

Jude's eyebrow arches perfectly as the corner of his lips quirk up in a teasing smirk.

"Were you hoping for me to find you?"

Totally, but Connor has a bit of pride left in his system so he Connor shrugs his shoulders like it's not a biggie. "No one says it had to be you."

There's a moment when Jude's body tenses up completely and in that moment of absolutely awkward silence, Connor knows he's said the most idiotic thing he could ever think of.  
Jude still doesn’t move but Connor doesn’t have to see his face to know he has screwed his chances up. God, he’s a mess.

"Jude. I'm--"

"That's okay." Jude cuts him off with a sharp edge in his voice that honestly sends cold shivers down his spine. "Just fuck me."

Connor frowns before pulling his hands away from where they were resting on Jude's butt cheeks.  
He hears Jude's intake of breath at the sudden lack of contact but he thinks it'd be rude to tease him about that, not when Jude's still pissed. Maybe later.. Connor wonders if there's gonna be even a 'later' since Jude doesn’t sound like he’d want to be fucked, though... like at all. He just sounds like he just wants to get over with it. His pride clearly kicking in and Connor doesn’t want that.

"No." Connor retorts with the same firm voice. "Turn around."

Jude lets out a strangled laugh like he literally can’t believe this shit.

"Just Fuck me, Connor."

Connor gives a sharp intake of breath as he shakes his head even though Jude’s not watching.

"I want to look at you."

He hears Jude snorting before turning his face just slightly, in order to give Connor one of his best sassy side-looks.

"Why? It's just an ass, after all."

“You know it’s not... I.. I’m sorry, okay?”

“Look.” Jude sighs as he finally –thank God—decides to turn around. Connor’s gaze flicks to Jude’s leaking dick and He probably has to do a better job at focusing on Jude’s mouth right now. “It’s okay. Really.. this is just sex.” He says, cooly. His voice hurt and meant to sound firm.

Connor’s mouth falls open because yeah.. a voice in his head has told him where this was heading and after a bit of reluctance, made it easier by Jude's gorgeous body and his constant horniness, he accepted the nature of this bond, so it really shouldn’t hurt him as much but it does.

“I know..” Connor gulps down some saliva. “I’m totally okay with it, man.”

He’s not eager for a Friends with benefits kind of thing because it always ends badly. Always. No exception, Except maybe for Justin Timberlake and Mila Kunis, maybe. but still, everyone gets hurt in the end, Everyone.

But then Jude smiles and the world suddenly stops for a while, Connor's heart makes no exception. “Really?”

Connor’s lips quirk up in a not so convincing smile, but it's the look on his face that counts, isn't it? Smug and so freaking cool that actually looks believable.

“Sure, I’m not really looking for a relationship right now.” Lies. Shameful lies.

But how pretty Jude looks like this, Connor thinks, sprawled on this bed with dick painfully and visibly hard and looking so damn sexy with those lips being softly dragged between his teeth, just like he’s holding himself back, refraining himself from jumping Connor.

The sight literally takes his breath away. No, really. Connor needs to breathe. He’s violet in the face, Staring at Jude’s dick with eyes blown wide. Fuck. is it twitching under my gaze? Connor wonders as he's suddenly being hit by rushes of wildfire spreading through his whole body when Jude's hand appears out of nowhere and reaches for his own dick. Connor's breath itches when the fucker starts moving his hand up and down over his length through slow, tantalizing strokes.

Jude clears his throat and Connor’s eyes are drawn to his own.  
Hazel eyes locking with brown.

“Were you saying, Connor?”

Connor’s hand itches to touch skin and finally when he slowly strokes his thumb over Jude’s thigh, his dick twitches with interest.

“I just want to have fun..” Connor has to admit that the premise of experiencing every way to take Jude apart, actually sounds really hot.

Now that he finds himself stuck in the situation, it appeals him to have the privilege of exploring Jude’s body in every way and memorize every inch of his skin, possibly marking as his own. it’s hot as fuck.

He has been crushing on Jude since forever, for God’s sake.  
He's been wondering what touching Jude’s milky and delicate skin would feel like or even taste his thin, tempting lips. Always been looking cherry-red, consumed and warmed up by kisses, and now that he finally has the chance to fulfill his darkest fantasies, why shouldn’t he just go for it? Jude’s here, willing and panting as he waits for an answer.. clearly impatient for Connor to feed him with his dick.

“Just say the words, Jude.”

Jude doesn’t have to be told twice before he turns around on hands and knees. “Show me some of your magic, Stevens.”


	4. Chapter 4

Connor doesn't tell anyone about this thing with Jude. Sometimes, he finds himself gaping at air, itching to steal Ollie's attention from the book he's devouring under his hungry gaze and just spill everything out. He doesn't even dare to imagine how that conversation would go if he has to be completely honest with himself. He's pictured too often, now, during sleepless nights during which the feel of Jude and his scent on him is still too intense that cause him trouble to fall asleep afterward, how that conversation would start. He thinks perhaps through a big entrè.

 _“So.. Ollie. I'm been seeing this guy.. well, maybe seeing is too much of a big word in this context, sleeping.. yeah, that's better. I'm sleeping. Well.. not even that, cause we technically sleep in our beds, as in separate rooms--_ ” No.. this sucks. Let's try again.”

 _“Yo.. Ollie, my man! So.. remember this guy I was stressing over at that party a few weeks ago? Yeah... the jerk that took my virginity and almost pretended he didn't know me afterward, yup! That one--”_ No.. what the fuck? Absolutely not!”

  
_“I'm fucking a guy._ ” Yeah, he thinks. That's better. Ripping off the bandage and all that jazz. _“He's fucking me too. Well, technically I fuck him more than he fucks me cause he likes to be a bottom for me so.. --_ ” Wow. Such a glorious way to screw up a perfect start, Stevens!

Well, at least one thing he's managed to accomplish. He gets to drift off to sleep without even realizing that he's been daydreaming until four AM sharp.

Connor keeps procrastinating the due conversation until he comes up with at least a decent one that won't make him look like a whore to his friend. Weeks go by in the blink of an eye and so the clandestine fucks and go with Jude. It's.. incredibly easy to give in.

Connor imposes himself to wear some restraint but the moment Jude calls him and asks him, with that tantalisingly soft voice, dripping with a not so innocent meaning hidden behind his, apparently, innocent question “Wanna hang out, tonight?” every cell brains (they very few left functioning.) wave at him, “Sayonara, bitch! You're on your own, now.”

 _Say no. Just make up some random plans with your friends._ He can almost hear the desperate cry of help coming from his heart.

Just--

“Yes. Sure.”

 _Mission accomplished._ His dick rejoices.

Connor gets crankier with each passing day and soon Oliver starts noticing that something is off with his roommate. “Man..” he says, watching Connor cursing under his breath as he bends down slightly to tie a shoe.

“You okay?”

Connor's eyes snap upward, meeting Ollie's through a grumpy glare.

“I'm fine.”

“You don't look fine to me.” Ollie observers with clear concern filling his voice, then after not getting any response from Connor, he tries to force the words out of his friend.

“You are pale and.. what the hell is that nest above your head? Besides, you smell funny.. like joints and sweat. Gross, did you even shower this morning?”

“Are you implying that I smell?!” Connor's straightening up, glaring at his friend for the judgment loud and clear in his voice.

“Yes.” Ollie replies. Chill as fuck as usual. “I'm sensing something is off with you and you look like a serial killer in its early stages so, since I don't want my parents to find my dead body hanging from that closet--”

Connor's face wrinkles in disgust, a “What the fuck man?” goes unsaid between them.

“Whatever it is.. talk to me.”

Connor gives a nervous chuckle, rubbing the back of his neck with his hand. “Are you offering because you care about me or because you want this serial killer to give your sweet ass some mercy?”

“The latter.” Ollie smiles. “Definitely the latter.”

Ollie might be saying this for real but at least it manages to steal a genuine smile out of Connor.

“Come on. I'll buy you breakfast.”

  
It's surprisingly easier than Connor expected, to open up to Oliver about Jude.

“I know it sounds straight out of a romantic comedy but I've been crushing on him since the first time I've met him.”

“It sounds awfully sap.” Ollie comments with a smile on his lips, then his expression gets softer as he encourages Connor to tell his story.

“We hooked up, the first time in the back of a club.. I..I was dancing and then he approached me and.. when he talked to me, I knew I was gone.”

“Oh.. Connor..”

Connor decides to ignore Oliver's sympathetic tone. He's not seeking pity or anything remotely close to that. He just wants an advice on how he should act, What he should say.. if Jude's worthy of enduring a meaningless friends with benefits kind of thing or He should just give up on whatever fantasy world he thinks he's living in which Jude will finally realize, one day, that he's been in love with Connor this whole time..

“We had sex and-- We say goodbye, that night, and when I kissed him I felt this spark between us, you know? So I started looking up for him..”

“Stalked him over social media..” Oliver promptly corrects him.

“Still. I guess I haven't gotten any luck, but then, I met him at this party and he heard me talking about his dick, then he challenged me to fuck him and then we headed upstairs.. we undressed and--”

“Okay.” Oliver blushes slightly as he gives a soft chuckle. “You had sex again. I got that part.”

“Sorry.. I..I tend to ramble when I'm nervous and I'm sooo nervous now, you probably don't even know..”

“You love him.”

“I.. I think I'm starting to love him.” Connor admits, his voice almost on the verge of breaking when he adds. “But I know, like, for sure that he doesn't feel the same.”

“Just talk to him, tell him how you feel.”

“He'll break, _whatever this thing is_ , off.” Connor sighs heavily like the thought of it alone is enough to send him over exhaustion.

Ollie doesn't even flinch as he replies promptly. “It's his loss.”

“It's my loss! H-He was honest about this from the very beginning we started hooking up! I..I followed along because having him like this is better than not having him at all, don't you get it?”

For the first time, Ollie's calm leaves place to utter exasperation when he lets out a loud groan of frustration.

“Then man up, Jesus Christ! If he likes you, he'll come around!”

He looks like he's about to punch Connor in the arm, which.. “Ouch, that fucking hurt, dude! What the fuck? How can you concentrate that amount of strength in that tiny body?!”

“Years of pent up frustration, man.” Oliver replies without missing a beat.

Connor really envies Oliver's temper and rationality, and okay... his fist too.

 

Connor decides he doesn't need to be hit by a nervous breakdown at such young age so he texts Jude, asking him to meet up at what he's become their spot at seven pm, that night.

Jude sends a thumb up. Just a fucking thumb up.

It's 6.50 pm and blood's tinging through Connor's veins as he anxiously waits for Jude under the bleachers where they've spent too many afternoons, in the past few weeks, making out until their lips were numb and swollen and the last glimpse of the sun has finally come down.

Connor does a lot of things in the following ten minutes as he waits for Jude.

He checks his hair through the frontal camera at 6.52.

He checks if he has food stuck in his teeth at 6.56

He checks if Jude has called at 6.58.

It's 7.00 pm but there's no sight of Jude.

“He's probably running late..” Connor says to no one in particular, probably just to convince himself.

It's 7.10 and Connor finally feels allowed to get worried. He's unsure if the right thing to do is to text Jude. He doesn't want to look pathetic... but then, fuck it. He just does it. Be damn Jude's opinion he has on him, He thinks.

It's 7.20 and Connor's officially losing the temper he's been imposing himself to maintain throughout the whole night.

 _“Fuck you.”_ His voice sounds hoarse and thick with tears but he manages to hold them back. He doesn't know the reason behind Jude's gesture.. yeah, it was rude and unwarranted to bail on Connor like that but what if something happened? That's what Connor tells himself as he strides towards the entry of the building and heads to Jude's room. He knocks at the door while working on his breathing, short and erratic as it leaves his lungs.

“Hello.” Connor greets Jude's roommate, whose name he can't really remember.

“Hi.. uh, Connor, right?”

“Yeah.” Connor breathes out very feebly, almost through a whisper. “Is Jude here?”

“N-No.. uh, I think I saw him leaving with a girl..”

The boy looks at him with confusion, when Connor lets out a sorrow laugh as he was expecting deep down this kind of response. Of course he's with a girl.. was he really that delusional to think...

Connor keeps laughing, eliciting a couple of concerned looks from the boy standing before him, but both of them (probably) know it's just a way to fight back tears. Connor surely prefers this boy to think he's crazy than a lame ass who cries over a boy.

“I'll tell him you stopped by..”

Oh.. oh no. Connor's done with this, so done.

“Just deliver this message to him: We're through.” then, despite the aching pain in his chest, he manages to add, absolutely refusing to cry in front of this boy.

“But since I mean less than a shit about him, I don't think he'll even care.”

  
Connor walks away, not stopping when he hears Jude's roommate's voice calling his name. He doesn't want to hear any of that. He just wants to sink on his bed and cry. As pathetic as it sounds, it's what he feels the need to do, To Unleash the pent up hurt he's been accumulating through the weeks.

He buries his face in the pillow as to muffle any sound coming from his lips that somehow could catch Oliver's attention.

“Connor?” He hears him say, at some point. “You want to talk about it?”

Connor shakes his head in the pillow, mumbling a wrecked 'No.' in response.

Not now.

Maybe tomorrow, but now.. he just wants to forget.


End file.
